A rant about the clingy pants rule

In france, in order to swim in a public swimming pool male peoples have to wear clingy pants. It’s true. One reason for this rule is hygiene, i.e., things like dust on the shorts making it into the pool. I also heard a rumour that one person sadly died as a result of getting caught by their shorts in a swimming pool. Not sure if that’s true or not but if so I appreciate how tragic that is, but I really don’t think it warrants this clingy speedo swimming pants rule.

I despise unnecessary rules.

Let’s just put this rule into perspective and think about the things that people do have the free will to choose to do… people can choose to jump out of planes for fun, people can bungee jump from cliffs, people can climb vertically up mountains. These are all extreme examples of the crazy dangerous things that people can choose to do, they are not for me, I prefer to sit reading a book with a nice cup of tea in the safety of my own home, free from anxiety, but I’m glad that should I one day go INSANE and feel it appropriate to jump from a plane that I have the choice to do so. But those examples are a bit out there, they are extreme and so perhaps of a different category; you could argue that the experience you get from doing those things outweighs the risk.

But I’d argue that the experience of swimming in a pool in comfortable loose shorts each day of your holiday is valuable too (I might add that I personally don’t swim around just wearing loose shorts of course, I don’t wear any shorts…but rest assured I wear a bikini) this rule only affects blokes, but I feel so strongly about it that even though it doesn’t affect me it bothers me. It’s really about the stupidity and choice-stealing that the rule represents.

If someone tells me that I have to do something then I automatically don’t really want to, unless it’s really reasonable and necessary, i.e., I won’t argue about wearing a seat belt on a plane. But generally I want to feel like I am choosing for my own reasons why I want to do everything, or at least I have the right to choose, so things like uniform make me feel rebellious. In the grand scheme of things I understand the point of uniform, but there are always little niggles. 

When I worked in a shop (Boots) we had a uniform of course, I appreciate the importance of wearing the uniform, that’s not a problem, however I was also told that I had to tie up my hair…why? I like wearing my hair down, it gets a kink in the back when I tie it up, and also for what reason do I have to tie my hair back…they couldn’t provide a sufficient reason, it was just to look smarter – I don’t agree, I looked smart with hair down. Rules like this make me mad!

Also, the trousers that were part of the uniform were officially a very dark navy blue colour, no one can tell the difference between very dark navy blue and black, most of us wore black trousers- it caused no problem- customers didn’t approach me with my Boots top and name tag on and then just as they were about to ask where the shampoo was…bend down, closely examine my trouser leg, and shout ‘ah no sorry I thought they were navy but they’re not, come on Sheila this girl doesn’t work here after all, her trousers aren’t navy’. But our management one day decided that our trousers MUST be navy. It’s completely pointless to suddenly demand that we all wear navy trousers! Just some power tripping idiot’s idea. I wouldn’t be that bothered about having to wear navy trousers, however, it’s hard to find navy trousers! At least it was back then, you couldn’t find any nice dark navy trousers in any shop anywhere. That left us with one option, wear the navy trousers provided by Boots. Let me tell you a little something about the trousers provided by Boots, the style and cut in which these trousers are made is specifically designed for the older woman, and I’m now truly scared of what my body will supposedly turn into when I’m older, or where I’m meant to zip my trousers up to when I’m old. These old lady trousers are designed for hips the size of mount Everest, just think back to the trousers that your granny used to wear and you’ll have an idea, oops sorry nanny didn’t mean to offend the size of your hips. The idea of these trousers is that you zip them up to just under your chest, it’s the only way you can wear them…I’m gonna need pictures to explain this….

When young people first put on a pair of these trousers there are fits of giggles! …‘Look how high up these trousers come’, what a laugh! We were in hysterics laughing, then the hysteria slowly turns to more of a tearful state when you realise that you are going to be forced to wear said trousers at work! The helplessness! The humiliation, how could they do this to us!

Also, I’m pretty short in the leg so in order to have the length fit I had to pull my trousers up even higher, they then do up just under your bra! I don’t know if older women are actually using their trousers to hold their breasts in place, I can’t understand it.

But upon being told that I had to wear these trousers I thought that’s it, I’m done, throw the towel in, or in this case the trousers, throw the trousers and leave. It would be empowering, but then in a way that would somehow make me look really stupid and sensitive, ‘she left because she didn’t want to wear badly fitting navy trousers’, (Honestly things like that –stupid rules, they make me want to leave a job). You get the point.

So finally coming back to the clingy pants rule, this rule is not even in the name of uniform, this rule is for leisurely people trying to have a nice relaxing holiday, but end up having to feel like they are being vaccuum packed into their swimwear. But no, they are not allowed loose swimming shorts! Oh no, the danger, the hygiene, the insanity of loose swimming shorts!

Why is it only in France? Maybe it’s something to do with the fashion, I don’t think they’ve caught up with the fact that speedos are a sin against fashion, and a serious offence to the human eye. Maybe it’s just a ploy for France to keep English holiday makers away, they know the english can’t deal with speedos. In fact at a water park in England (at Alton towers) tiny speedos have been banned!!

It also seems just a tad perverted.

What next? Only swimming naked?

Rules ruin everything, I hate complying when I know the rule is stupid!! So much so that it makes me not want to do things, having to wear a sticker with my name on, having to wear a wrist band to say that I’m allowed to be somewhere, the list goes on. The best solution is to just stay at home drinking tea, muttering to myself about the absurdity of clingy swimming pants, dirty stickers and what not.